the Secret (# 1)

He didn’t mean to kill his half-sister Emily; then, again, how can you kill a phantom.  Or was she … He was confused, a frequent occurrence of late –confusion — but that was to be expected.  His rotten tooth was killing him (that was the least of his problems) … there were the wars, economic breakdown, Syrian holocaust, political chicanery … and the lies.  But more than anything he was disturbed by his discovery of the Secret underlying all rational thought and scientific truth.   He kept seeing flashes of Emily in the mirror (out of the corner of his eye just before he turned around).  Her pale beauty glowed like an ethereal glacier.  She reminded him of a fashion model on steroids or a Goth drag-queen.  He was a scientist, Petronius Bix, Ph.D. —  a graduate from MIT with honors.  His major interest was Quantum Physics  and the mathematics that predicated reality.

Bix was also an individual who suffered from a host of mental aberrations including OCD and Bi-polar Disorder.   His suspicions about the nature of life and reality first surfaced in his teens when he discovered his father in the arms of a strange woman — mom was at work and he was supposed to be in school, but got bored and walked in on a profoundly disturbing scene.  His father,  a respected surgeon,  was having serial affairs  — he even had a child with a former mistress — the child was Emily.  The news of his half-sister was disclosed during the divorce proceedings.  Up until that time, Petronius worshiped his father — he idolized him as a totally rational man of science.  The incidents leading to the divorce shattered the young man’s world, but he turned his anguish into a compulsive drive to excel academically.  He succeeded brilliantly, but his deep anger and remorse churned inside his gut like broken glass.  His half-sister also became a scientist.  Bix kept bumping into Emily at scientific conferences.  They had a great deal in common besides a philandering father.  They began to rely on one another, first as friends and ultimately as lovers.  Emily was a great support — always encouraging Bix and helping him manage his negative symptoms … but it was never enough.  Petronius refused medication because it dulled his intellect.  He told himself he was a pioneer, an explorer of  arcane mathematical dimensions.  He needed to heighten his mental acuity.  Pills, he believed, would mummify his brain.

With Emily out of the way,  Bix could concentrate on the implications of his discovery.  Emily had become a distraction, always wanting “love,” always telling him what to do to make himself  “better.”  He knew he was as good as he could be, after all, he was a genius.  The few quirks he had were manageable.  Emily made it sound like he was a mental misfit, a psychopath.   But, he found getting rid of Emily was not as easy as he estimated — she kept coming back.  In the middle of his most delicate procedures she’d appear baring her breasts and rubbing between her naked legs, making Bix horny and regretting he ever dispatched her.  When he was horny he couldn’t work.  He had to fondle her clothes and dress in her panties.  He was so aroused  he had to go online pretending to be Emily, flirting with other avatars and engaging in virtual sex.    Ironically that was how Petronius Bix discovered the secret that led to his greatest invention.   He was having sex as Emily with an avatar known as the Specter:  mutual masturbation to porno images and texting.  The Specter was different from any of  Bix’s other contacts.  He texted in mathematical formulas.  It excited Bix/Emily like no other stimulant.  He was so excited he had an orgasm combined with a major breakthrough.  Bix realized he never had a half-sister — he was Emily all along.  His mind dealt with the trauma of his childhood by creating another personality to deal with the emotions aroused by the betrayal of his father.  Another, more important revelation followed:  Reality was created from emotional residue, not from any rational or mathematical precepts … and Reality could be altered by using certain “emotional keys.”  The Specter encouraged Bix in his new understanding — he described the discovery of the Higgs Boson Particle that would overturn every scientific theory invented to explain reality — leaving the door open to new dimensions and new realities.  The secret that Petronius Bix discovered was that he could re-invent the universe.  He could do anything if he had the right emotional keys.  Up to this point, his life and everything he believed was a lie.  The path ahead was clear, but first he needed to build a Time Machine.  (to be continued)

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