Erectile Dysfunction

The toilet was running.  He had to catch it before he collapsed and fell into the belly of the beast.  It all began when he painted himself into a corner with no exit.  Angus Mandrake contemplated suicide.  He always had trouble adjusting to the demands of the world … and being stuck in a corner with a running toilet was not the life he imagined for himself.   The crux of the problem was his imagination.  Angus always had a vivid and overly active imagination – an imagination that was never satisfied with mundane reality.  He didn’t want to die, but suicide appeared to be a logical solution to his situation.  Angus was frustrated.   He needed to make a drastic change so he grabbed the toilet and jumped into the bowl feet first.  Instead of suicide he chose the belly of the beast. He fell, drowning on the effluvium of  life.  He landed in a paradox at the Mall of the Americas – surrounded by the glittering products of mass consumerism.  He was mesmerized … and no longer confused.  Angus gave up his dream of becoming an experimental “artist.”  He realized his prior life was narcissistic and ego driven – now there were no longer any corners to paint himself into.  He waded through the crowds of shoppers and realized his true potential.  He became a soldier to support the pillars of materialism.  After losing several limbs in an explosion, Angus became a prosthetic’s salesman.  He married his high school sweetheart, Margo Lumkin and proceeded to have three children through artificial insemination (having lost his penis in the explosion).   Angus was a true success, earning piles of money.  He was truly happy … so happy that he was driven to distraction … driven to the mall where he landed – this time with a gun. He was confused and wanted to kill the enemy that blew his life apart.  He wanted to commit suicide by cop; after all, he was in the belly of the beast.

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